Hey Y’all! As usual…I’m dropping in unexpectedly. I swear I want to get more consistent with posting…I have tons to talk about…My schedule is just waaaaaay disrespectful. School just started, it’s football wife season, my therapy clients need my attention, and I’ve been doing some additional work as well as a PRP director (Laaawwwd…Mama is tied!)
Anywhoooo…one of my favorite people in the world (My cousin Tam) sent me this cute little infographic above and it got my wheels spinning…I found myself thinking…”What would I add to this list?”…”What makes my relationship “go, grow, and flow?”…”What might others in a relationship want to know?”…So here goes (I promise I didn’t start out with the intention to make that rhyme…lol).
Now…FULL disclaimer…I don’t have all the answers…and of course I know that all relationships differ. However, I’ve always been a “long-term relationship” girl. Now…while my Mr. is everything I could have hoped for in a husband…I’ve weathered a few long term relationships before ours that prepared me for “Us” and he has as well. While those relationships ultimately ended…We learned valuable things about ourselves and relationships overall that prepared us for the loving and successful relationship we have today…and even we aren’t without our share of bumps in the road. With that being said…as we’ve navigated these years together there are a few key things that keep us on course even if we get off-balance.
1) Boundaries IN ADDITION TO communication is key – while my Mr. is absolutely my BFF…I’ve learned that some convos are best left for me and the girls. Not in a secretive type way…but in a “They’ll understand the things said and unsaid in a way that it’s not fair to expect him to” kind of way
2) Have mutual friends but spend time with your outside friends too – His friends welcomed me into the fold with open arms and mine did the same for him…as a result sometimes we hang out with his…sometimes he hangs out with mine…but there should be a healthy balance of socializing with your core circle without having to be “spouse” and “friend” at the same time. I encourage guys night out and he encourages “girl time” and we respect each other more for it.
3) Go places independently – If you follow either and/or both of us on social media, you know we spend time together A LOT…and we love it. If you know us as individuals you know that he LOOOOVES people and I’m a little more ummmmmm…selective with socializing. As a result sometimes he just needs space to hang out alone, with his own thoughts, in his own space, and move at his own pace, and I encourage it. He knows that sometimes I just want to laze about in my “bubble” or wander around the stores with no direction, schedule, or intention and he welcomes that about me. Which brings me to number 4.
4) Sometimes just sit in two separate parts of the house – it’s okay to be home and still be in your own space. We distract each other at home because we play a lot, talk a lot, sit across from each other and send memes a lot…lol, require each other’s attention a lot some nights. Some other days we just want to be in the comfort of our favorite place with each other…without each other…if that makes sense. Between the bedroom, living room, and basement we have 3 TVs and more than enough space to be in our own world and out of each other’s at the same time.
5)Send text messages throughout the day – casual communication and conversation keeps lines of communication open, keeps us aware of how each other is progressing through the day, builds up anticipation to see each other later, and makes it easier to identify an issue if communication isn’t how we are used to it being. It doesn’t have to be a full on conversation…but between shared IG posts, memes, and random brief text messages about our schedules or less formal things…we stay “in touch” and its comforting
6) Show some form of affection at least once a day be it a kiss, or hug, a rub, or a touch- physical connection is necessary and relaxing. Human touch is a universal language. Hugs can decrease anxiety, depression, and blood pressure. We kiss each day before we leave for work, say “I love you”, and “be careful”…and kiss again when one of us arrives home for the day. While this may not be appealing to people who aren’t “touchy feely” it keeps us “in sync” physically and emotionally.
7)Encourage and allow room for growth…It works wonders for a functional, happy, and reciprocal relationship – Push your partner…or gently nudge…depending on their personality. Whether it’s encouragement to take a new position at work, try a new business venture, taste a new food, enroll in a class, build their credit, try a new style of clothes, wear a new color, apologize to someone, or listen to new music…grow interest in and show interest in their growth. A growing partner…nurtures growth in a relationship. Cheer for them louder than anyone in their “stands”…it means more than you know!
8)Finally & Most important of all nurture your friendship with each other…it sounds so simple but some people fulfill all the duties of a spouse except being a friend. And that one is the most important. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily demands of what people need and we often forget that companionship is a major need in a relationship. Friendship in a relationship doesn’t require much but produces so many benefits. When you’re at odds…your respect for your friendship can put pause on that hurtful statement you want to make…when temptation presents itself, your respect for your friendship can remind you that you don’t want to hurt your friend. When you don’t feel like “yourself”, that friendship will allow your person to be a mirror for you and gently remind you who you are. That friendship supports communication with comprehension, affection with intimacy, respect with reciprocity, and understanding without expectation.
Now of course…these examples aren’t “one size fits all” but they can definitely help increase your comfort. Try 1 or 2, or all 8 lol…and see how you fare. Until next time…these are just my bits and pieces of life and advice in ~My Life as the Whyfe~