Hmmm…where and how do I begin?…from the beginning I guess.
I’ve always been outspoken. ALWAYS. My report cards as kid, always had a “conduct needs improvement” notation. A “D” in conduct was usually the only thing that kept me from the honor roll. At home…backtalk was an ABSOLUTE no-go…but my face said a whole hell of a lot. ALL THE TIME! *Ask my mom…lol*.
If I feel it most times you know it, if not right away…no worries…it’s coming. In summation…I suck at keeping MY words to myself. Your words and expressed feelings are safe with me! BUT MINE…Chiiiile…I “gives them free”… “lets them fly”… “rolls them right on out”…lol. Sometimes I talk too much, too loud, too hard, and too honestly to too many people.
As you may have guessed…this has and does and will cause some ummmm…friction. Sometimes for me…sometimes for others…most times I’m not fazed either way…Most times. Either way, my free flowing thoughts have the potential to well…make waves.
The main problem (one of several) with that is…my occasional seemingly lack of tact (which is usually actually lack of patience) mars the message and mixes up my “mojo” too.
I’ll try to explain. I’m naturally really intuitive, a gift and a curse, and I usually see things and therefore think things 5 steps ahead. Sometimes I’m off target…but more times than not…I’m on point. If I sense or see a looming or potential disaster…I do what I can to eliminate that. That works great for me but not always so well for the people on the receiving end of my advice. It often comes out curt, undressed, and straight to the point. If you’re someone I care about…it can be a little overbearing, even if a little, or a lot, helpful in the long run.
I am also, admittedly, REALLY impatient. My tolerance for stupid stuff is waaaaay limited. I have too much going on…so unnecessary stuff is well…unnecessary. I’ve gotten better, but flawed in that area nonetheless. If I see someone making what I consider an unwise decision, despite my warnings(especially if they’ve done it more than once)…it frustrates me to the point of anger sometimes. *My friends will attest to this* Now I find myself in a mindspace where their situation is affecting me and I haaaaate it…I wish I wasn’t this way but…it’s how I’m wired.
It’s not necessarily encouraging and heartwarming to say… “stop doing stupid stuff” or “I already told you how this’ll end”…but I get so frustrated, that even if I don’t say it…I think it…and if my mouth doesn’t say it, my face, body, and attitude do. All the while, I’m losing focus on my own walk, on my own path, in my own shoes. Now I’m “tripping”…over loose ends (untied shoelaces ) on my end, because I’m too focused on others. I’m mad just thinking about it…Lord help me!
As I mature, and grow further into my life assignments that require me to teach others how to communicate, collaborate, and problem solve…I recognize more than ever that sometimes the best thing you can do is, “Tie your own damn shoes and don’t trip!” or in other words…focus on you and don’t stress yourself as much about others’ decisions.
That may require me to not be as emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or verbally “tuned in” as I am accustomed to being…but it will definitely increase my peace of mind and my focus on ME and mine.
I’m trying y’all I am…and it’s been a journey. The sassy part of me wants to tell folks… “let’s just skip the middle part when you make that foolish decision and move straight to resolution” but that does nothing but rub people the wrong way, close ears to my advice, and get me all worked up when people don’t listen.
Sooooo…instead I’m going to continue to work on doing better with checking my laces, correcting my stride, walking my own path, and leading my own way. Wish me luck!